Choosing a New Relationship Partner (3)

If you are not sure whether you ought to do something or not, imagine someone you love and respect coming across you doing it. If you would be proud of yourself, that's O.K. If you would be embarrassed, that's O.K. -but if you would you be ashamed to be seen doing it, don't do it.

Set your standards high. Don't make excuses for others and lower your standards and don't bow to anyone. Get others to rise up to you. A relationship should bring out the best in you and your partner, so it is not worth settling for second best from anyone.

There is no perfect attitude for relationships. Sometimes you need to be strong, and sometimes gentle. The key is to be free from fixed patterns so that you can respond to the moment. Whatever you've learned from your recent experiences, try not to lecture your partner. Just do what you respect in yourself and ask for what you want.
 

Take your time and listen to your partner. Be honest, but discreet. Focus your life and attention on your present and your future together. Your new partner will not want to hear every last detail of your past relationships. If you want to talk about the past in great depth, it is an indication that you still have some emotional issues you have not yet dealt with, in order to move on in your life.

Your past is your job to deal with, not your new man's job. Don't burden him with your past, work through it with a friend or a psychic reading. Being in love makes the ordinary delightful and the difficult easy. You can think that your life will be like this for ever. But relationships change, and you must be prepared to accept change, to keep love fresh.

If you disagree with your partner, appreciate the difference. Your partner's point of view should be an asset to you, not a problem. You see life from two angles. At the same time, it doesn't help to ignore your own wishes. If you go along with things you don't like, your partner will assume you don't mind. If you do mind, tell him.

A relationship is what you do together. It is not what you dream about doing, or think about doing, or talk about doing: it is what you do. If all you do is talk, then that is your relationship.

When you begin to think of yourself as part of a couple, it is another chance to become conscious of your own unconscious behaviour. Be aware of your new alternatives. You can pick and choose.

Manipulation in relationships is inevitable. It is part of the games people play, so be good-humoured about it. It often happens from defensiveness or sheer habit. If you feel your partner trying to manipulate you, acknowledge it but don't condemn them. It takes a saint, and a humourless one at that, to be perfectly straight all the time.

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